Ode to a grilled turkey and cheese sandwich (SPT 206 FINAL SPEECH)

ladies and gentlemen my name is Tom cutoff I’m here to tell you that at around9:30 for last night the world lost itseighth wonder but before I go anyfurther let me explain a familytradition you see in the put offhousehold my household we have a familytradition of putting all of ourThanksgiving leftover turkey onto apiece of bread and then slapping a thingof cheese on there and then anotherpiece of bread and then making a grilledturkey and cheese and last night at 9:30I undertook that tradition not realizingthe marvelous thing that I would createand go on to destroy you see I createdwhat could only be described as the mostmagnificent grilled cheese and turkeysandwich that the world has ever knownand let me tell you this was in fact awork of art you see I used dark meat forthe meat of this grilled turkey andcheese sandwich because I’m not agodless heathen and I know what goes ona girl turkey and cheese sandwich I thenused to count them two slices ofAmerican cheese and let’s be fair that’sthe only acceptable slice of cheeseother than maybe pepper jack if you’refeeling a little gutsy I’ll respect thatand let me tell you something else oncethose two elements were put togethercheese turkey cheese I slapped them ontwo pieces of best choice bread becausefrankly I used an expensive kind ofbread that sandwich would be toopowerful and it would still be aroundtoday and you can’t have them let metell you when you put butter on thesides of that bread and you hit it ontothe skillet it made a sound in a sizzleso greatit sounded like if you put your footinto a pit of snakes and then didn’t dieinstantly it was amazing it almost wouldhelp you forget all the snakes that areattached to your foot if you had heardthat sandwich sizzle the only way thesin which could have been outdone was ifI had cooked bacon alongside it andfrankly if I’d had done that I wouldhave been playing God and that’ssomething I’m not ready to do yetand just like that once the sandwich wasmade it was goneI in my avarice robbed the world of whatcould only be described as the mostbeautiful thing to have been seen in thelast 20 minutes before it got eatenfrankly the world will not see the likesof the sandwich until after this videowas uploaded and I make another onetonightbecause we still have leftovers in thefridge and I’m kind of hungry so as yousit down tonight with your family to eatI want you to be thankful for two thingsone that your family is not a grilledturkey and cheese sandwich that youwould have to consume whenever you getkind of hungry and you’re not that tiredto go to bed yet and two I want you toremember that for the briefest momentthere was what could only be describedas true divine beauty in the world inthe form of that sandwich be thankfulfor that that you got to live in a timewhen that sandwich existed as well as Iknow I am thank you